There's always money for the NYPD

But no money for the children

Hiii, sorry I’ve been MIA. I’ve been too sad to write, but I’m back. If you need a virgin mimosa recipe, let me know. Today I’ll be talking about Eric Adams planning to hire more cops while there is a staffing shortage for vulnerable children. Onto the news…

News that made me feel like virgin mimosas can’t fix everything

I subscribe to multiple newsletters because I love triggering myself with the state of the world before my morning decaf coffee. The two newsletters I read the most cover local New York City news and reading them feels like watching a dystopian sci-fi novel punctuated with the day’s weather. One newsletter that I cannot erase from my mind was delivered to my inbox on November 21st. The headline I read which made me immediately blow a fuse was Eric Adams planning to hire 1600 NYPD officers with money saved from supporting people migrating to New York City.

If you know me, you know there is more hate in my heart for the police than my heart can contain. In fact, a myriad of times the hate explodes through my mouth and I find myself yelling at two random cops walking down the streets of my neighborhood to get a job. I don’t even believe in people having jobs but I want these monsters to get any other jobs than being class traitors. I yell at the cops often and every single time it surprises me and the cops. I’m stunned by my inability to keep my hate inside; I do it during all my zoom meetings at work.

I don’t know why the cops are surprised that someone hates them though! They harass our heroes (Luigi if he did it) and protect our nemeses (CEOs). I guess all those tourists requesting to take photos with the NYPD have convinced the NYPD someone out there loves them. Tourists, can you please stop taking photos with the NYPD. They are not part of the cast of Law & Order. There’s nothing truthful about Law & Order: cops don’t solve “crimes”. Cops protect people who do crimes (insurance company CEOs)

Nonetheless, after quelling my rage with a sip of virgin mimosa, two sentences later I’m informed by my torturer, the newsletter, there's a special needs staffing shortage in New York City. The staffing shortage affects the most vulnerable children and prevents some of them from going to school where they receive services they need to live a full life.

Now I know two pieces of news, the city plans to hire more cops and the city doesn’t have enough special needs staff to take care of children. The acquisition of this knowledge has caused many sleepless nights and random screams into the abyss. So, the city is planning to hire more oppressors while vulnerable children are not getting the assistance they need. That thought has been running through my mind faster than Sha'Carri Richardson. Everytime I think about it, I get angry. No amount of a virgin mimosa can quell my anger. My favorite virgin mimosa is sparkling water topped with a splash of orange juice. It’s tasty but not tasty enough to ameliorate the sting of knowing your taxes are paying for stormtroopers instead of carers for children.

The staffing shortage most likely results from the average salary of a paraprofessional who takes care of children earning between $30,000 - $50,000. In New York City those are poverty wages, but then again I always remember we live in a world where the importance of your work is inversely related to your wages. If you have a useless harmful job you make millions and when your job is to care for the most vulnerable of us, you struggle to live. If you hire yourself to be a full time revolutionary, you get a prison sentence, but if you are a genocider, you get to be president. Whoever said crime doesn’t pay is very wrong. Crime pays a lot in this world. Just look at Elon Musk.

That’s it for the news but don’t go yet

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Your favorite anarchist comedian/poet/social critic,

Marcela