I went to the Crown Heights Care Collective free store yesterday in Brooklyn and I’m still holding on to that joy of being with comrades taking care of each other. Onto the news…
News that made me almost say…dear white people
61 % of republicans want the “USA to be a christian nation”. To which I say, Ummm isn’t that already happening. “In God we Trust” is the USA’s motto. So we already live in a Christian nation. These republicans just want to make it more christiany? I don’t think “christiany” is a word, yet.
I’m sure the god they are talking about is white Jesus and not the Black Jesus my mother worshiped. I’m also assuming when they think christian nation they are not thinking about Jesus sharing the loaves of bread and fish with people. What they are thinking is crashing reading time at a public library because a drag queen is reading books to children. I don’t recall reading books to children at a library while looking fabulous being one of the ten commandments. Even if it was, that’s a commandment that you should skip. You skip the other ones all the time. Especially the one about loving your neighbors. Oh, I forgot, that was Black Jesus.
I wish I could reason with the 61% and tell them that racism is bad for you. I wish I could tell them racism makes you do things like pretend you don’t like having sex for fun because white Jesus wouldn’t want you to. Unfortunately I can’t because these people are white and white racists generally don’t take life changing advice from Black people.
I know what you are thinking. How did this become about race all of a sudden, Marcela? This is just about Rebecca wanting a christian nation because Rebecca thinks they’ll look cute in a puritan bonnet. To which I say, first of all, 89% of the republican party is white and when white people who have a history of being hateful come together and say they want something, it is about race. Second of all, white people in this country and Clarence Thomas have used Christianity to justify racism, homophobia, misogyny, and all other terrible things. So when they say they want a christian nation, they say that because they want all these things. They just don’t want to come out and say it because it makes them look bad.
Since I can’t talk to the 61%, I need you other white people who don’t want to go into the deeper depths of hell to talk to your family members. I’ve heard that white people don’t like calling out their family members because it ruins thanksgiving. Newsflash, thanksgiving was already ruined by the fact that it is a lie to hide genocide.
All those times you were watching the handmaid's tale around your republican family members instead of reading the history of how Black and Brown women have been treated in society to understand how awful things can be for women, your family was like…that’s cool, we want that. So it’s time to make thanksgiving and all dinners uncomfortable. Don’t ever let your racist uncle enjoy another cheesy bread until they denounce racism.
News that made me remind you that I’m not an engineer
As I’m writing this on Saturday evening, nearly fifty percent of people living in Puerto Rico don’t have power after Hurricane Fiona, no relation to Fiona Apple, made landfall almost a week ago. Not having electricity is not just an inconvenience that means you can’t have ice cream in the middle of night. It’s life threatening. You know what needs electricity to keep people alive? Hospitals!! This is an emergency and should be resolved immediately. This is not a brunch where you can be late and the worst thing that will happen is that your friends finish the pitcher of mimosa. This is people’s lives!
However, Luma, the private power company which distributes power in the island, does think that this is brunch. Luma hasn’t even “released” information on how the power grid was affected according to PBS. I’m not an engineer, I’m just a comedian. However, I’m assuming that if you can’t even tell the people where the damage is, that's because you don’t know what the problem is and you can’t solve it. After days without electricity, it also means that you don’t care.
Why would Luma, a private Canadian-American company, care about Puerto Rico when the United States of America uses Puerto Rico as a place to harvest wealth? What’s the word for that again when you harvest a place's resources without their permission and at their detriment again? Colony! Yes, Luma doesn’t care about Puerto Rico because it’s a colony of the United States and colonies are there to serve colonizers, not the other way around. Just ask a colonizer.
Luma took over as the national distributor for electricity in June 2021 and Puerto Ricans have not been fans. Rightfully so! Since Luma took over electricity distribution prices have gone up and quality has gone down. I thought this was the type of thing that capitalism is supposed to prevent. Lol. I know capitalism is here to make sure that’s exactly what happens. I got you, right?
Puerto Ricans have protested multiple times to get rid of Luma and revert the distribution of energy to Puerto Rico’s Electric Power Authority, the public company. These protests have not been heard and have been met by police brutality (ACAB). Of course they have. Luma views Puerto Rico the exact same way the United States views Puerto Rico. A piggy bank that they break whenever they want to get money out of it but never put any money in.
News that made me misquote Rihanna
An alliance of workers from Bangladesh, Pakistan, Europe, and the United States are pushing Levi’s, the jean company, to sign an international accord that secure’s workers’ rights. Honestly, if you want to ensure workers’ rights, the only solution is to get rid of capitalism. I’m assuming that Levi’s would never agree to sign a paper that says abolish capitalism given they won’t even agree to sign a paper that says people should have a bathroom at work. Levi and Bezos have been talking I guess?
The accord does more than give workers’ permission to go to the bathroom at work. It was signed to keep workers from dying after a factory collapse in Bangladesh killed over 1000 people. However, the fact that going to the bathroom is listed as a right on the accord shows you the cruelty of capitalists to squeeze every ounce of profit from people’s bodies, especially if those people are not white.
Imperialism means that it has to be said that people in Bangladesh shouldn’t have to die for someone in Manhattan to wear skinny jeans. Jeans that they will toss out tomorrow after they watch a teen on TikTok make fun of them for wearing. I’ll say it again: the accord is a good stepping stone but the goal should always be to end capitalism which fuels imperialism. Sorry for being redundant. Just think of me as a Rihanna song except for saying work work work, I say anti-work anti-work anti-work. It doesn’t sound as cool, but it’s better.
Now Levi’s says it will not sign the accord because doing so is not the only way to ensure the workers’ rights. That’s not true. Levi’s will not sign the accord because it doesn’t want to pay for safer work environments. Levi is a traditional “American” company which embraces two important American values, imperialism and lying. Lying is an important part of being an imperialist because you can’t just say people should die for people to buy clothes they don’t need. I mean you can, and they do, but it’s highly frowned upon. Not frowned upon enough to end capitalism but frowned upon enough to garner bad publicity. So as long as you can keep lying to prevent bad publicity, keep the exploitation going. Right, Levi’s?
News that made me realize what my #squadgoals are
Mahsa Amini, a 22 year old woman was murdered by the Iranian morality police triggering a wave of anti-government protests where women have burned their hijabs and protestors have flipped police cars. Honestly, this is the only appropriate reaction to the state murdering a citizen. I’m incredibly proud and I’m in complete solidarity with the protestors of Iran.
Unlike me, the Iranian government is not a fan of the protesting and has launched a series of tactics to prevent the protests from growing into an even larger rebellion. The government has shut off the internet to prevent footage and images of protests from spreading because nothing empowers other people to rebel than watching a group of their comrades flip a police car #squadgoals. The government has also murdered protestors and referred to the protestors as outside agitators.
These actions from the Iranian government are common tactics used by the state to stifle rebellion. We saw the US government use the exact same tactics during the George Floyd rebellions. This is because states are going to state. What do I mean by that? I mean that states are an oppressive force that seek to control people in a specific location i.e. country to use them as labor and soldiers for the elites of that state.
People generally like to be free so states employ different tools to control people; religion, racism, misogyny. States like to mix different tools of oppression to create the perfect cocktail of oppression. When these tools fail and it becomes very clear to the people that their state is an oppressive force, people rebel. When people rebel, the state sends in the police. Whether it’s Iran or the United States of America or any state, the police don’t exist to protect, they exist to oppress. That’s why I try to boo at least one cop a day.
That’s also why it makes me really happy to see footage of Iranians battling the police. Watching our comrades rebel in the face of oppression sends a message to states everywhere that we will not stand for their oppression. Yes, I consider everyone who sees a cop car and has an urge to flip it a comrade.
That’s it for the news, but don’t go yet
This newsletter will also be published in Shado Mag on Tuesday. Shado is a lived-experience led community of artists, activists, and journalists fighting for social change. Go over and check them out.
If you want to learn more about how the United State has been terrible to Puerto Rico read, War Against All Puerto Ricans: Revolution and Terror in America's Colony by Nelson Denis.
If you want to understand another anarchist’s perspective of the rebellion in Iran, please read this interview of anarchists living in Iran.
If you are looking for new cool art. I’ve added my brother’s amazing art to my Etsy shop. Look at it or buy it or do both. I’m giving him all the money from the sales to support himself.
Lastly, if you enjoy my writing and you’d like to support my labor and help me make Feel the News into a late night show, please tip me, become a patron, or become a paying subscriber below.
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Your favorite anarchist comedian,
Another great column. I guess I'm a comerade because I too have the urge to flip the fuzz whenever I see 'em, because the only people they "protect and serve" are the rich and powerful, and they exist only to oppress and keep down the masses. Thank you!
Another great column. I guess I'm a comrade because I too have the urge to flip the fuzz whenever I see 'em, because the only people they "protect and serve" are the rich and powerful, and they exist only to oppress and keep down the masses. Thank you!