Starbucks is union busting
we aren't surprised, right?
Feel the News the comedy show is coming to Brooklyn next week on Thursday, April 21st. Get your tickets, it will be fun. Onto the news…
News that reminded me of my relationship with family sized chips
Starbucks workers are unionizing and Starbucks the company isn’t happy about it because unions make it a little harder to completely exploit workers. Maybe the reason why the lattes taste so good is because the secret ingredient is workers’ tears and Starbucks is just trying to make sure that workers keep crying at work? Anway, scared of being deprived of the joy of torturing workers without limits, Starbucks has gone into full union busting mode by sending a letter to workers that threatens to freeze pay and benefits if they vote to unionize.
This news makes me feel like that one time I ate a whole bag of family size Utz chips after I got high and then had a tummy ache, not surprised. Every single time I eat a whole bag of family sized Utz chips, I get a stomachache and I keep doing it because I enjoy the chips so much. It’s the same thing with corporations and workers. Every single time workers try to unionize, corporations fight back because they enjoy exploiting workers and they know a union will set limits to their sadistic pastime. Starbucks, like all corporations, is scared of workers’ unionizing because collective action is a threat to corporations’ absolute power and corporations love absolute power more than I love chips. I’m not willing to torture people to get chips.
News that made me wish I had pearls to clutch
So I woke up this morning and began my Twitter doomscrolling. Yes, I know Twitter is terrible for my mental health but so is capitalism, yet here we are. Imagine my surprise when I ran into this tweet about subway emergency exits being locked to avoid fare evasion.
If I had pearls I would have clutched them. I expect terrible things from the people who “run” this city but this one I was not expecting. I own a strand of pearls (faux of course) and I will start wearing them around because it turns out there is still cruelty out there that surprises me. I need there to be pearls available for clutching when this occurs. Locking an emergency exit that would allow people to exit a train station during an emergency to avoid poor people from using the subway sends a clear message that we would rather have you die than give you free public transit. In a way I kind of applaud the honesty of this message. Just in case you are having a fun day and you forgot for a moment that we are in hell, this is a kind reminder that under this system, money is more important than your life. Who doesn’t like a kind reminder?
News that made me happy
Indiana University graduate workers have gone on strike to demand the university recognize their union. The fact that a university has refused to recognize a union should be a reminder to everyone that universities might claim to be bastions of intelligence, but they are no better than your everyday supervillain. Lex Luther, I mean Jeff Bezos, would be proud of every single one of those administrators. Anyway, the news of graduate workers going on strike makes me feel like every single time I eat a sweet tamarind, very happy. If you’ve been reading this newsletter for a while now, you know that workers coming together to fight against capitalist villains makes me so happy that I forget that we live in hell for a moment. I’m not worried about forgetting that we live in hell for a moment though because I know that those locked emergency exits in the subway will always be there to remind me that we do live in hell. I will clutch my pearls when I see them and remember, yes we are in hell.
That’s it for the news, but don’t leave yet…
This week on TikTok I talked about why the media attacked participation trophies and why we should abolish the police.
If you are looking for a cool anarchist to follow on Twitter, look no further than @airidescence. I really loved this tweet about reclaiming our individual power.
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