Oil companies are stealing from workers
because why wouldn't they?
Feel the News the comedy show will be at Friends and Lovers in Brooklyn on May 7th. Get your tickets…onto the news.
News that made me feel like we still live in the bad place
Chevron and Exxon aren’t just destroying the planet, they are also destroying people’s wallets. I mean this metaphorically of course. The people of Exxon and Chevron are not going up to people, digging into their wallets, taking the money, then throwing their wallets in the trash. They might as well be doing that though. The twins of the apocalypse, Exxon and Chevron, have used the war in Ukraine as an excuse to raise gas prices which has led to profits of 6.3 billion and 5.5 billion dollars for each company respectively.
This news reminds me of the time that we lived in a system where corporations could legally steal from us. Oh wait, that's the current system. Yes, of course Chevron and Exxon are reaping profits from war, destroying the planet, and stealing from workers, that is literally the definition of capitalism. I would honestly be surprised if they weren’t doing that, that would mean that we have left the bad place.
I’ve heard some people (liberals…cough) saying that the only way to penalize this theft is to tax oil companies and I disagree. You don’t stop a bully from stealing people’s lunch by making them give back a bite of every sandwich they’ve stolen. The only way to stop a bully from stealing is by making the bully stop being a bully. The only way to stop oil companies from destroying us and the planet is by getting rid of oil companies and money and giving everybody free weed. Giving people free weed is always part of the solution.
News that made me think of Nemo
Scientists have declared that not doing anything about global warming will lead to the worst marine extinction in 250 million years. Nemo also read this news and he was really pissed that humans made a movie about finding him and now they are just going to let him and other Nemos die. To be fair to us we aren’t the ones destroying the planet, by we I mean those of us who don’t own any of the 100 companies that are responsible for 71% of the emissions. We might not be destroying the planet, but we are sitting around and watching them do it. Okay, not sitting around, but nervously pacing because we are all terrified about the future of the planet.
Corporations with the help of the government are burning down our house while they whistle a nice tune and we are yelling at them to stop but they won’t stop. They will keep whistling “let it burn” while burning things until we walk up to them and grab the lighter fluid from their hands. We have to stop them. We have to do it for Nemo.
News that made me feel like someone gave me a Mayday gift
In another win for the Starbucks union, the very first Baltimore Starbucks voted to unionize. This is very exciting and a wonderful Mayday gift. I could go on and on about how I love unionizing but you already know about my feelings on workers’ unionizing. What you might not know is that I’m spending my Mayday at the MaydayFestival of Resistance, which I’m now calling the cooler, better Coachella. Happy Mayday!
That’s it for the news, but don’t leave yet…
This week on TikTok I talked about capitalism being a culture of domination.
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