Members of congress have a new plan to gaslight us into trusting them
We won't fall for it
My friend April Boddie is hosting a comedy show about fibroids tonight in Brooklyn and you should totally buy tickets here if you can go…onto the news.
News that made me feel disrespected
Members of congress aka the rich people’s puppets are considering bills to prevent congress members from trading stock that would still allow congress members to trade stocks. This sentence doesn’t make any sense, neither does congress but let me explain. Essentially people are upset about congress members raking in millions from companies they monitor, so congress decided to pretend to do something about it. They are proposing stock trading ban bills that would ban congress members from trading stocks but not their spouses. Wow, I wonder why this will not solve the problem? Also, while congress members will not be allowed to trade in “individual public stock, they would still be allowed to trade products like mutual funds or exchange-traded funds composed of bundles of corporate stocks” under the proposed bills. The latter means that congress members will not be allowed to trade Exxon stock but they could trade in a fund that consists of a bundle of oil companies. That would be like me trying to control my sugar addiction by allowing myself to only buy candy in bulk but banning myself from buying one piece of candy. Essentially congress is trying to trick us into thinking that they are not corrupt beings that deserve no respect like I try to trick myself into ending my sugar addiction, proposing plans that I know won’t work. This makes me feel very disrespected. Can you do a better job of tricking me?
News that made me cry then laugh
A police officer in Colorado Springs went undercover in two leftist organizations to try to trick them into illegally buying guns for her. The state is so terrified of leftist groups that it’s trying to put them in prison, and this has always been the case. Remember the Black Panthers? If your answer is no, please tell me how I can get back into the Matrix with you. I’m tired of the real world. Anyway, leftist groups are really scary because they propose radical ideas like housing for all and ending exploitation. One of the organizations that was infiltrated by the cop was a Tenant’s Union. That’s right, people coming together to demand better living conditions is more lethal than a landlord who exploits tenants. What’s next, people demanding that they have a right to housing? Of course this news was very upsetting to me but also deeply hilarious because the cop had pink hair which I’m pretty sure she dyed to “fit in” with the leftists. That’s right, all you need is pink hair and you are a threat to capitalism. Who would have thought?
News that revoked my resident curmudgeon status
There are so many times when I talk to people and I tell them about corporations are evil and they shouldn’t exist and they look at me like I’m telling them that I’m a flat earther. So imagine how excited I was when I found out that “82% of voters believe that inflation is being driven by greedy corporations”. So excited that my husband asked me what was wrong with me. I’m the resident curmudgeon and people are usually confused when I smile. Anyway, the reason why this news makes me so happy is because I’m hoping this is the beginning of people truly understanding that corporations/elites are responsible for the hellscape that we live in. I’m hoping that this is the beginning of people understanding that just like the prices of goods are set by corporations, this world that we live in is set by corporations and we don’t have to live like this. We don’t have to wake up every morning to go to a job that is bad for us, bad for each other, and bad for the planet. I’m looking at you forever-21 fitting room attendant.
That’s it for the news, but don’t leave yet…
I posted a new stand-up clip on my personal YouTube channel that I hope will bring you some joy and remind you that I am a stand up comedian. Watch it!
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