I'm too cool for gender

and so are you (if you want to be)

Hi! I’m back and I’m currently reading Anarcho-Blackness Notes Toward a Black Anarchism by Marquis Bey. This week's delight is inspired by the following quote from the book. 

Put simply, the gender binary is part and parcel of capitalism’s division and devaluation of gendered labor, and socio-political gender transgression marks a distinctly anarchic practice. 

The way I read this is that I shouldn’t be offended next time a family member (not so nicely) who I shall not name asks me if I ever cook because my husband does most of the cooking.

Anyway, enough of the family shit talking. Onto the delights…

The poem (I think it’s a poem, honestly it’s whatever you want it to be)

This poem, or whatever you want it to be, was inspired by my acceptance of being a genderless person. It’s called, I’m too cool for gender. 

I’m too cool for gender

I don’t remember the time when the idea that there was an idyllic self to aspire to came to me. 

As long as I’ve been conscious of my existence I’ve never felt that I was what I’m supposed to be.

When I was a child I never felt like I was a “girl”, which turns out to be true. 

I remember I felt all the behaviors associated with being a “girl” were not me. 

I didn’t feel like my voice was high enough. 

I used to practice making it higher when no one was looking in the first grade when I was still in Kenya.

I remember the fear of not being a girl was so strong that at times I would hide away from my friends because they reminded me of what I was failing at being. 

All my friends were girls because as much as I didn’t feel like a girl I still thought boys had cooties. 

I remember I refused to sit by this boy in the school bus because the thought of sitting next to him was so repulsive. 

Yes, I was a misandrist, but I’ve grown.

I wanted to be a girl so badly, but not badly enough not to try peeing while standing up. It made a huge mess and I never tried it again. 

I don’t know why I stopped, my brothers made huge messes all the time and it never stopped them.

Now that I'm older I understand gender and sex are a constructed binary regulated by the state to maintain capitalism. 

It would have been amazing if I knew that as a teenager. 

In high school I fully committed to be a “woman” by subscribing to teen vogue. 

And wow wow wow, if you ever wanted to learn how to hate yourself for not being “feminine” enough, then teen vogue was the how to. 

The only thing that brings me joy now is that I never paid for my teen vogue subscriptions.

I would check the card to pay later but I never paid.

My parents who bought me an encyclopedia and thesaurus set as a birthday gift were never going to pay for that. 

No shade to the encyclopedia or thesaurus, I loved them.

I’m just saying my parents didn’t think me learning to be a “girl” was as important as me using fancy synonyms.

Teen vogue did teach me the only way to be a “girl” was to spend a lot of money. 

I didn’t have money, but I promised myself one day I would. 

I became an adult, I had my own money.

I spent a lot of it on clothes that I hated the way they looked on me because my boobs weren’t what they were supposed to be.

Sometimes I wanted them gone.

Sometimes they weren’t large enough.

My butt was never the size it was supposed to be. 

I love it now and it’s not because I listened to Sir Mix-a-Lot.

I love it because it’s me. 

The clothes didn’t make me feel like I was a “woman”.

It felt like a performance.

I loved the performance of wearing make up and dressing up.

A lot of people do. 

I felt like if I didn’t do it, I was not a woman.

It’s not the clothes, I was never I a woman.

I’m not a man.

I don’t want to refer to myself as non-binary.

I don’t think I have to pick.

Gender is made up and I refuse to participate.

I always say, if you want me to participate in gendering myself, then you have to tell me whether you are a Carrie, a Samantha, or a Charlotte.

It doesn’t matter whether or not you know what those names mean, you have to pick.

If you don’t have to pick which fictitious white lady you are, I don’t have to gender myself.

I’m not a Carrie, a Samantha, or a Charlotte.

I’m much cooler than whatever the people who created this white-centric show could ever think of.

I’m too cool for gender and so are you (if you want to be).

The art

I colored this poem to tell you the the right time to revolt.

It’s always the right time to divest from a system that oppresses the many to benefit the few

It’s always the right time for a revolt

The video

This video is about the gangs of Atlanta.

@feelthenewswithmarcelaPlease support thr national bail fund! Also come hear me tell the news live and laugh with very funny comedians this Saturday at 8pm in Brooklyn. Link to tix in bio #acab #leftisttiktok #blackanarchism

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The book recommendation 

Surprise! It’s Black Anarchism by Marquis Bey.

That’s it for the delights!

If you enjoy my writing and would like me to be able to do more of it instead of working for the capitalists, please tip me, become a patron, or become a paying subscriber below.

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❤️

Marcela

P.S. Happy Pride! Be gay and do crime!