Billionaires are smart thieves
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Sunday, 8/29/2021
I moved this week. It’s terrible and painful and I don’t wish it upon anyone. Now let’s talk about news that made me angry, sad, and glad.
News that made me angry
Tim Cook aka Apple CEO aka another billionaire who deserves nothing was given a 750 million dollar payout by Apple. I say given because no one can earn 750 million dollars unless maybe they are the Flash or Superman because they can go really fast. This news makes me very angry because it’s a reminder of where most of our stolen labor goes to, rich white men who pretend to care about social issues so we don’t guillotine them. Tim Cook has given millions of dollars to charity and claims he will give away all his wealth upon death. This doesn’t make him a good person, this makes him a smart thief. Wealthy people giving money to charity is the equivalent of someone robbing you then giving you back a dollar of the 100 dollars they stole from you, rude and honestly really evil.
News that made me sad
Antwan Gilmore, a black man, was shot by the Metropolitan Police Department in DC. This news makes me sad because the only way to end police killings of black people is to abolish the police but people have watched Bad Boys one too many times and they are convinced the police are here to help. No, the police are not Will Smith or Martin Lawrence and they don’t solve most crimes. They do a lot of crime though, not the good crime, like reclaiming goods from your local Walmart. They commit bad crimes like killing people. I don’t blame people for thinking the police are here to help, given there is so much copaganda everywhere. The media treats police reports like they are the truth when we know there is as much truth in a police report as the Plastics’ burn book (see Mean Girls). CSI makes it seem like the police are competent when in reality they can’t even tie zip ties. That’s why I would like to ask you to take the time to convince everyone you know that the police are evil and we should abolish them.
News that made me glad
Beyoncé got some heavy heat for wearing diamonds stolen by colonizers. This makes me very happy because as much as I love shaking it to all the single ladies, I’m so tired of people not recognizing the fact that while they might look fabulous in jewels, the black bourgeoisie are not our road to liberation. I’m hoping this first backlash is the first step for a lot of people understanding that Black capitalism isn’t going to save us because capitalism is an inherently exploitative system that relies on a racial hierarchy to exist. So excuse me while I go dance to “Irreplaceable” while I watch my favorite Beyoncé hate reel. Yes, I can dance and watch at the same time.
That’s it for the news, but don’t leave yet…
Feel the News the live comedy show will be on September 4th at Friends and Lovers in Brooklyn. Come laugh and say hi. You can buy your tickets here.
If you are still on the fence about whether or not we should abolish the police, please read Mariame Kaba’s We Do This ‘Til We Free Us. Thanks to one of my patrons for sending me the free link to the book.
If you have footage of police doing stupid shit, please DM it to @copsdoingstupidshit
If you like my TikTok videos and this newsletter and would like me to make more short films and can afford to support my labor, please become a patron. This is the only labor that brings me joy.
❤️
Your favorite anarchist comedian,
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